Being Young and Stupid

Sometimes I look back on my life and think about how stupid I was when I was younger. For a significant amount of time in my late teens and early twenties, I dated someone who had a drinking problem. All the signs were there from the very beginning, but I was too young and immature to take them for what they were worth. After far too many years had passed, I came to the realization that, ohmygod this man has a drinking problem and he's never going to change.


On our first date we went to the drive-ins to see Godzilla. When I picked him up (I picked him up because *red flag #1* he had a DUI and *red flag #2* hadn't completed his DUI program or *red flag #3* paid his fines)... where was I again? When I picked him up he *red flag #4* climbed into my car with a six-pack of beer. Maybe people regularly take alcohol to the drive-ins, I honestly have no clue, but as a 17-year old girl I thought it was cool because, hey, drinking is cool in high school. Except he wasn't in high school; *red flag #5* he was 26. For everyone whose jaw is on the floor, I lied through my teeth to my parents and convinced them he was only 18. Did I mention that when he was supposed to meet my mom for the first time he completely stood us up for dinner? Yeah, so our whole relationship was kind of like that.

As it turned out, drinking affected every facet of his life. He couldn't hold down a steady job. He didn't live in the same place for too long. He couldn't drive, had horrible credit, and ruined many of his friendships with his drunken antics. It wasn't until I was 22 that I woke up one day and said ENOUGH! And then I went back to him and said ENOUGH again! And that time I really meant it.

I'm not trying to make him out to be a bad guy because he was an alcoholic. I understand that alcoholism is a disease and, in my situation, he wasn't ready to admit it. For him, that was okay, but for me, I knew that I didn't want to be codependent for the rest of my life. I knew that he was going nowhere, and I wanted more for my life. My family hated him, my friends hated him, and whenever I heard TLC's song "No Scrubs" I instantly thought about him AND HE WAS MY BOYFRIEND AT THE TIME. The truth of the matter is that it didn't take me five years to put the pieces of the puzzle together. I knew after 6 months that things would be better off if I ended it. I didn't want to kick him when he was down and, being young and immature, I thought he needed me. I told myself I'd give him time to get back on his feet, but that time never came. Oh, that and I knew that if I broke up with him I would risk not having a date to the prom. See? Pretty stupid. 

I don't regret that I was so stupid back then. I learned so many good lessons at a young age. Most of the lessons listed in this post were the result of this relationship. One of the very best things I took away, although it took a couple of years to realize, is that if your family and friends don't like the person you're dating, it's probably for a reason. The reason is not because your family and friends are assholes, it's because they see everything you're trying to lie to yourself about. I always told myself , "they don't know him like I know him." The scary part is if they knew him like I did then they'd hate him even more.

So, yeah, I WAS dumb. But, that stupidity resulted in beautiful things in the end so I wouldn't have it any other way.