I don't know if it's ingrained in women (some women, anyways) to do our best to make other people happy/feel special/know that they're loved or if it can just be chalked up to The Golden Rule. Whatever the case may be, I genuinely want to celebrate the people that I care about.
When I care about someone, I try my best to celebrate them. This doesn't happen out of obligation, but rather a true desire to want to be a part of someone's life in a meaningful way. Over the past couple of years, I've opened my eyes to the fact that this idea isn't always reciprocated. Generally, I don't believe in tit-for-tat relationships. I don't do things because I expect a favor or to be treated in a similar fashion in return. Reciprocity is never my motivation.
It seems, though, that I'm guilty of focusing my time and attention on people who always make me an option. And this is just fine. By that, I mean it's OK that I'm not a top priority to everyone in my life. It's OK that certain people choose other people, places, and things over me. I'm guessing there are people who would say that I'm a picker and a chooser myself. But this is a lesson for me in that not all friends are true friends, and family, whether biological or inherited, can make the conscious decision to shit all over you at any moment in time. Understanding this concept has truly been a blessing, and - I say this with genuine sincerity because I know it sounds like I'm being a smart ass - I should be thanking the people in my life whose actions (or lack thereof) have helped me to come to this realization.
The way I can practice this philosophy in my own life is not through pettiness. It does not mean that if you're mean to me, I will be mean back or if you don't help me move, I won't help you move. To me, this saying means that I need to refocus my priorities. It means that I'll still treat everyone kindly and with respect, but I'll shift my time, love, and attention to people who truly love and care about me. It doesn't mean I'm going to stop caring about or celebrating certain people, it just means that those certain people don't need to be my priority. And that's OK.
Yeah, I came to that realization about 5 years ago. It was a major weight off my shoulders. When you focus on the people who make you happy and appreciate knowing you (it's not hard to tell who appreciates knowing you, either) then your life is just that much less stressful.
ReplyDeleteAnd it's TOTALLY a woman thing, what is WITH that?! :-)
You and Sheri are so right. Sometimes you just have to let it be and move on. If someone is consistently making you unhappy or feeling less than, it is the healthy thing to do to detach from them emotionally. Spend your time doing and being with those who make you feel good, life is too short!
ReplyDeleteI think it's a good lesson. I actually wrote this post about 6 months ago, and I know I'm still working on the idea. I think it's something I'll struggle with for a while since, to a certain extent, it feels unnatural to not make certain people a priority. Blah! Such is life :) I can see what you mean, Sheri, about it being a weight off your shoulders. I can see it being that way!
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