Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother

I know I said I was taking a break from memoirs, but my name came up on the wait list for Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother by Amy Chua, and I couldn't pass it up. Getting an email from the library, stating that a wait list book is ready to be picked up, feels like winning the lottery. So you can understand why I just had to go with that feeling.

The premise of Tiger Mother peaked my interest some time ago. Chua's focus is on parenting. Specifically, her story tries to convey why Chua believed - and I personally think still believes  - Chinese mothers are better parents than American parents. Chua tends to define parental success as a parent who has raised an  academically and musically gifted child. Perhaps she would include children who are gifted at chess or modern impressionist painting, but certainly not talented at, say, football or cheerleading. Chua, by her own definition then, is a successful parent. Her two daughters are academically and musically inclined. Her eldest daughter played piano at Carnegie Hall, for example, and her youngest daughter was somewhat of a violin prodigy. Chua suggests that a good number of people who are gifted in any of these capacities are the product of Chinese mothers or parents who parent like Chinese mothers.   

I'll begin by saying that this book is very self-indulgent. While I'm sure people may argue that memoirs are self-indulgent to begin with, this one is, at times, obnoxiously so. I've read articles (here and here) that have Chua claiming she was making fun of herself in Tiger Mother. In parts of the book, I can see that. It's very well disguised, though. After the fact, she kind of reminded me of Michelle Money in season 15 of The Bachelor. Michelle was very sarcastic and it came off as mean. Like, I think they had a group date at the zoo, and Michelle said she wished the gorillas would eat one of the other contestants, or something like that. And everyone thought Michelle was a royal bi-atch, but she really just had a dry sense of humor. So I can see that side of Chua. 

Chua kind of has the readers fooled into thinking that by the end of the book she is going to acquiesce and admit that one style isn't necessarily better than the other. On the front cover, even, we see this:

"This is a story about a mother, two daughters, and two dogs. This was supposed to be a story of how Chinese parents are better at raising kids than Western ones. But instead, it's about a bitter clash of cultures, a fleeting taste of glory, and how I was humbled by a thirteen year old."   

I don't want to blow the end for anyone, but I will say that, ultimately, I think Chua truly believes Chinese parenting is better than American parenting. And that is her right, of course. We all know that there isn't one style of parenting in America. I know a lot of Americans take offense to someone from another culture saying that they do something more effectively than them.  Personally, I don't agree with everything Chua says, and I don't hold her parenting style as the gold standard, but I think there is merit in some of her ideas and methods. One thing that really stood out to me was her view on self-esteem and not letting her kids quit at something because the task was hard or they weren't immediately good at it. Chua writes:     

           

"Western parents worry a lot about their children's self-esteem. But as a parent, one of the worst things you can do for your child's self-esteem is to let them give up. On the flip side, there's nothing better for building confidence than learning you can do something you thought you couldn't."

And, so, if there's one thing that I will take away from this book it's Chua's view on fostering self-esteem. In my opinion, there's a lot of validity to it.