The other day, Nick and I had a conversation about the capitalization of new year. He asked me if it is capitalized. He was getting emails-a-plenty at work wishing him a happy new year and the capitalization between the emails was inconsistent. I told him it depends on how people are using it. If they're referring to the holiday (New Year's Day) then it is capitalized and if they are simply referring to the new year (i.e., 2012) then it is not capitalized. That is what I told him anyways, so whether or not it is true remains to be seen (I'm too lazy and don't really care enough to Google it).
In any case, you won't be reading about any resolutions from me. I sucked at it last year (here, here, and here) and there's really no hope for me this year. One of my resolutions last year was to live in the moment. I started out okay, but the whole trying to have a baby and can't thing really effed up my mojo. I do have things that I want to work on this year, but I don't know if I'll go as far as publicly declaring them. Who am I fooling? I probably will. But I won't call them resolutions. Mark my word.
Speaking of trying to have a baby, the Clomid didn't work and by "didn't work" I just mean that I am not pregnant. Go figure. What an asshole I was to say that I had a good feeling. The plan is to do IUI tomorrow. That is the plan for now, anyways. If that doesn't work then I will officially have a nervous breakdown followed by a deep, deep depression. I'm just kidding. Kind of. I always joke with myself that it's amazing I make it to work everyday. Because there are days when all I want to do is throw myself on the floor and cry about it. Or throw a serious tantrum. This is really sounding like a cry for help. I will just put it this way: unless you have experienced primary infertility, you can't understand the feelings associated with not knowing whether or not you'll ever be able to have kids. Because that is what it really boils down to. Trying to cope with the idea that we may never be parents when we so desperately want to be. That and knowing I'll never get to indoctrinate impressionable young minds with my liberal beliefs. It is a hard, hard pill to swallow.
And that, my friends, is something I need to work on this year... not letting this be all consuming and working on accepting the realization that maybe it's just not in the cards for us. So, woe is me. Seriously, though, I have so much to be happy about and to be thankful for. I hope good things are in store for us all in 2012. Minus the end of the world, of course!
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